Self-compassion is key to psychological resilience, experts say

By Ahmet Taş | Wise News Press

ISTANBUL, TURKEY — As modern life increasingly demands individuals to be perpetually strong, productive, and resilient, experts warn that people are forgetting the crucial practice of being understanding and compassionate toward themselves.

Clinical Psychologist Ipek Erol from Uskudar University NPISTANBUL Hospital emphasized that adopting a supportive rather than a judgmental attitude during difficult times—a concept known as "self-compassion"—is essential for true psychological resilience. Erol detailed the critical differences between self-esteem and self-compassion, explaining how this learnable skill helps individuals cope more effectively with stress, anxiety, and the intense pressures of daily life.

Being supportive to ourselves in difficult times

Modern society constantly pressures individuals to be successful and flawlessly resilient. Clinical Psychologist Ipek Erol noted that while these expectations rise, the fundamental need for people to be understanding toward themselves is often ignored.

At this exact point, the concept of 'self-compassion,' which has increasingly found its place in psychology literature in recent years, comes into play.

"Self-compassion is the individual's ability to develop an understanding, inclusive, and supportive attitude toward themselves in difficult moments, rather than a judgmental one. Instead of harshly criticizing oneself when making a mistake, it involves being able to see the experience as a natural part of being human."

Erol added that this specific approach has been conceptualized and made scientifically measurable in the field of psychology, particularly through the groundbreaking work of researcher Kristin Neff.

A more sustainable inner support for resilience

Research consistently shows that individuals with high levels of self-compassion experience fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, cope with stress much more effectively, and have significantly higher psychological resilience. Erol clarified that self-compassion is not a state of comfort that withdraws an individual from life and responsibilities; rather, it is the profound capacity to establish a healthier internal relationship with challenging experiences.

Addressing the concepts of self-esteem and self-compassion, which are frequently confused in society, Erol explained the vital differences:

"Self-esteem is based on the individual feeling valuable, but it is often shaped by success, performance, and comparison with others. It increases when the person feels successful, but they become more fragile in the face of a possible failure. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is unconditional. A person does not break their bond with themselves when they fail or make a mistake. While self-esteem says 'I am good because I succeeded'; self-compassion makes it possible to say 'I am struggling, but I am still valuable'. In this respect, self-compassion offers a much more sustainable inner support for psychological resilience."

Self-compassion is a developable skill

Emphasizing that self-compassion is not an innate or static trait, Erol stated that it is a highly developable skill. The first step in daily life is for the person to make conscious contact with their own inner voice.

Noticing the sentences we tell ourselves in a difficult moment is a crucial start. Erol suggested that if we are saying things to ourselves that we would never say to a relative or friend experiencing the same situation, then toxic criticism is at work instead of compassion. To develop self-compassion, effective steps include noticing emotions without suppressing them, remembering the thought "I am not alone" during moments of failure, softening the internal language used against oneself, and utilizing breathing and mindfulness exercises that support bodily regulation.

Being gentle with oneself is often perceived as weakness

Psychological assessment tools and therapeutic processes can significantly help individuals realize and strengthen their level of self-compassion. However, Erol pointed out that for many people, practicing self-compassion is a much more difficult experience than they initially thought.

One of the main reasons for this difficulty is the deeply ingrained belief that "being soft on oneself is a weakness." Especially in individuals who grew up with highly critical parenting attitudes, a harsh inner voice can be falsely perceived as a necessary source of motivation. Furthermore, traumatic life experiences, negative thought patterns, and extreme perfectionism act as significant psychological barriers to self-compassion.

"A situation frequently seen in the therapeutic process is this; when a person starts to show compassion to themselves, they feel discomfort at first. This indicates not that something wrong is being done, but that an unfamiliar yet healing area has been entered," Erol explained.

Erol concluded by emphasizing that self-compassion is a protective skill that can be learned early in life. The most powerful teacher for children is how adults approach their own mistakes. A parent's ability to say, "I made a mistake too, but I can make up for it," gives the child a strong internal message. When working with teenagers, self-compassion acts as a crucial balancing element, especially against the intense social comparison and feelings of inadequacy fueled by modern digital life.

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